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Case Studies

Case Study #1: Michael & Amy

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Michael and Amy we feeling stuck and frustrated. Although they had been married for 30 years and had two grown children living on their own, they felt their relationship was just “OK”.

It wasn’t exciting or passionate.  To help, they moved to a new city and to start developing careers in their newly adopted hometown.

Amy had recently completed her schooling and was looking for a job in the area.  Michael was working with a small business but had not made any progress in expanding the company.

They felt stressed and didn’t feel as if their marriage was helping them deal with it. They weren’t enjoying their evenings or free time together because they were always worrying about their individual endeavors.

This was the time that they sought out coaching from Phyllis and Peter. They were surprised and inspired by what they were advised to do.  In the spirit of cooperating as a team, they were told to speak of both of their professional endeavors as “joint projects” using only “we” when they talked about them. This meant saying “our business” or “our job search” when they referenced their individual tasks.

This transformed their connection to each other’s success. Now when Michael had a win, Amy did too. As you might imagine, they were also instructed to meet together and discuss how they could support each other regularly.

Their growth stemmed essentially from growing beyond their individual concerns and working together as a team, becoming a true single couple entity.

It’s like rowing a boat together: each person has individual strengths, but if the strokes are not synchronized, power is wasted.  Pulling together harnesses the power of both people. You move from rowing two separate boats to rowing one larger boat together. The output is exponentially greater.

With practice, Michael and Amy are going faster together than either one could alone.  Their practice requires coordination and cooperation, one of the keys to having a successful relationship.

Today, they feel like they are true assets to each other’s growth, and that together they are more powerful than they are alone.

Michael and Amy have discovered “couple power.” They are not stuck; they are moving powerfully together as a team and loving it.

If you want this kind of deep connection in your relationship, we can show you how. Contact us to learn about our couple power sessions and intensive workshops.

Case Study #2: Roberta & Charles

Roberta, a newlywed, is already angry and resentful. How could she be so concerned so soon after getting married? She and Charles had been married for just a few months when Roberta first became angry at Charles not helping out more around the house.

They went for counseling together and were guided to talk to each other as partners, seeking to accomplish the same goal of being happy together. Then they were coached on how to ask each other for help.

They realized that they both had things they wanted from each other, but did not feel comfortable asking for them.  Once they saw this, they turned their complaints into requests and began to tell each other what they were feeling and wanted.

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Charles shared that he was withdrawing because he felt that Roberta was not interested in the things he had to do for his work. Roberta told him some things she would like him to do around the house.

They were counseled to see that just because they asked for something or were asked to do something, they did not have to agree to fulfill the request.  They could listen respectfully and make a counter-offer.  When they became more comfortable with making requests of each other, they found that the resentment had disappeared.

Roberta and Charles began to operate more as a team about everything, making requests based on what they needed for the team to be successful. They began practicing every night making requests of each other, large or small.

After a while, it became fun to do, and they looked forward to it.  They were no longer afraid to ask for what they wanted or needed.  This exercise built trust between them and increased their openness and intimacy.  All leading to a happier, more fulfilling marriage.

If you want this kind of deep connection in your relationship, we can show you how. Contact us to learn about our couple power sessions and intensive workshops.

Case Study #3: Rick & Laura

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Rick and Laura were in love but felt trapped. They got married in their thirties. He had been married twice before and she had a long-term relationship of over ten years. They had broken up with their previous partners because they felt “trapped” by their relationships and their circumstances.

Laura and Rick met at an outdoor club meeting. They were each fiercely independent and loved the freedom of being outdoors.  Rick had a small cottage that had been in his family for generations. It was in the forest by a stream. They moved in together and made a home for themselves. They loved it there. Rick was a free-lance writer and Laura was a nurse.

Things seemed perfect.

 

Laura was speaking with a friend at work who was thinking of becoming a certified massage therapist. Laura saw this new opportunity for herself to train in an area she really loved. She wanted to enter a 3-year training program. She excitedly told Rick of the new possibility.

He was happy to see her so lit up until he found out that the training was 3,000 miles away.  He said, “That sounds really great, but we would have to leave our home, and I am not willing to do that.”  She was upset that she would be trapped again.

He suggested that they split up so he could stay in his home where he felt comfortable. He did not want to be trapped either in a faraway strange place without “roots.”  Laura asked, “What about us?” They were at an impasse. How could they love each other and still feel that special experience of their little home together.

Laura and Rick got some coaching from Peter and Phyllis. They asked about what they liked about the home they had together. They explained the warmth, coziness, the feeling of rootedness was what they loved and they were able to share that way.

They loved each other but seemed to be divided about what to do. Their coaching taught them that the feeling of belonging and safety they so deeply treasured was not about the cottage they lived in, but about their relationship.

It was the relationship and the love that was their “home.”

That home could be anywhere they both were. They created a statement, a proclamation really, that: “We are home for each other.” Where they lived and for how long was not as important as being together.

Afterward, they moved to where her training was and explored life there. She completed her work and they moved back and built a new cottage near where they used to be.

All the while, they were home for each other.

If you want this kind of deep connection in your relationship, we can show you how. Contact us to learn about our couple power sessions and intensive workshops.

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