What Is The Most Powerful Way To Make A Relationship Work, Really!
Power Is Experiencing The Couple As One
You may remember the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts? That whole has more power than either of the parts individually .A relationship or a couple is not just two people working together, it is its own entity. A third thing. You, Me, and Couple (our relationship). .
Consider the following quote by Luciano de Crescenzo, “We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly by embracing each other.”
The concept of “Couple” conveys more a way of being than something to acquire. Being Couple is not what you accomplish together, rather it is who you are. Couple is not a place to get to, or an ideal. Rather, it is a place to come from together because you create it together.
Couple As An Entity
You need to begin with the notion that when two individuals get together in a relationship a third thing is created. When two individuals come together, you create something unique. It’s like splitting an atom. More energy can be created by the action of the two parts together than existed in each of them by themselves. When a match and gasoline are brought together a powerful explosion happens, a new force is released.It is not just the match, or the fuel, it is their interaction of them together.
You don’t get into a relationship just to meet your own needs but actually to create something that didn’t exist before that is new and exciting. If it works out the way you want, not only do you expand as an individual, you grow as Couple. It’s not just “me” but “we.”
Imagine that instead of two people you become one giant person with fours eyes, two mouths, four legs, etc. What affects any part of this new entity affects all parts of it. It is larger and more powerful than the individual.
This way of being Couple helps in overcoming what is perhaps the most challenging obstacle for couples: the pervasive notion of living “for yourself” and getting your own needs met or having to give part of yourself up to the relationship, to compromise.
The “Power of Couple” can take on not only what you want together as parents or partners, but even what you want individually.
This does take a change in thinking.
Think Of Your Couple As Your Child
When you have a child you nurture and care for it. If you have that child with your partner you are both committed to being loving toward that person you created together. With you couple, like your child, you can love it together. Like being in love with a child you created together, you can be in love with the relationship you created together.
It is like being in love with love. Couple can provide love and support back, just like that baby you love and cherish
Imagine Your Couple As A Joint Business Enterprise
Like a business with more than one employee, your couple is a joint enterprise with its own goals and visions. If you have a company, it has a vision statement and purpose. What do you want the vision of your Couple to be? Think about it and design it together.
As Easy As Riding a Bicycle Together
Designing Couple can be fun. Together you can go faster and have the satisfaction of joint effort and joint success. Riding a tandem bicycle built for two is a different experience than just riding two single bikes side by side. You have to cooperate and it is one for all and all for one. A very different experience.
Be A Team
If you see your couple as a team, you don’t compete to beat the other person, but push yourselves to make the team more successful. You don’t both have to be good at the same things. You can appreciate each person’s skill set and delight in your differences, not just your similarities. You are not incompatible and individuals but diverse as a group. That can turn a weakness into a strength.
Here Is How To Get Your Couple Entity Started.
- Your Couple starts with your commitment to the relationship. Love it, not just each other. Start by saying that you love each other and then that you are committed to your couple.
- Create a vision for the Couple enterprise. Think about how you would like other people to describe your couple (e.g. “We are loving and supportive.”) Create a short statement and say it together every day.
- Be generous and not judgemental. You are both trying to make your couple great.
- Acknowledge each other for your contributions to your couple every day.
- Don’t be afraid to tell the truth. It will make your Couple better.
In our case studies, we share how Rick and Laura worked with Peter and Phyllis to understand the power of Couple and how it improved their relationship.
Celebrate The New Foundation You’ve Created Together
Now that you have this new approach to your couplehood, there are many wonderful places to leverage this knowledge. When you run into conflict or challenges, when you feel misunderstood or not heard, even when you have a request or ask of your partner.
In each situation, you can use your new understanding to approach the challenge so you and your partner are aligned and serve the needs of yourselves AND the Couple. Regularly remind each other of the vision you share for your partnership and make a point to do this in good times and in bad. That way, you continually remain focused on the deeper goals you have for your relationship.
From that place, happier times are ahead.
If figuring out how to approach developing a stronger understanding of your Couple isn’t happening easily for you, please let us help you. For a consultation and to work with us one-on-one, please email sherfam@aol.com or for more suggestions and more context, check out our book, Lifelong Love.
